Trying to get on the tracks

After a long, let's say hiatus, I'm determined to get back on track with my journey. I have switched over to a new diet plan that I like and is easy to follow. I've decided I need to get rid of a lot more stuff so that I can be clutter free and I'm the kind of girl who needs to have a schedule to be successful. So here's to lining up all the cars, plotting a course and getting back on the tracks of my life.

Discouraged

Well, it's been a month or more since I last wrote and I must admit that I have been quite the busy bee. Unfortunately I am at an impasse. I have been keeping up with the housework but apparently I am not ahead of it. On Saturdays we have been working in the yard and very little inside work is done. Then when Mondays come I am behind and have to play catch up again. At this moment I have a pile of clothes on my couch I need to fold and even more to wash. I desperately need to dust, clean the bathroom, do some sewing, clean the bedrooms and so much more. I am so discouraged right now I could cry. I hate this retarded life of repetition and self deprivation. I QUIT!

Derailed

So you may have noticed that I haven't written anything for a while and it is with good reason. After starting this journey and starting to make progress, my journey has been derailed and a new car has been added to my train. Grief. On Friday, February 13, 2009, my brother passed away. I was at home getting ready for the church valentines social when my dad called. He told me the ambulance was at the house. My parents had found my brother unconcious and without a pulse. Matt (my husband) came home and we raced to drop off the kids with a relative and meet my parents at the hospital. After a half and hour my mom called back and said they had just left for the hospital. The paramedics had been working on my brother for 30 minutes and he still had no pulse. When we arrived at the hospital we were shown a room to be with our family. I don't know how long we were in the room, it felt like 5 minutes but I'm sure it was more like 30. A doctor appeared and told us that my brother had passed. He was pretty sure he was already gone when my parents had found him. At that time I heard the crashing in my head. The sound of my life spinning out of control, like a train that had been derailed. For the next week pieces of what caused his death came together. My brother had an irregular heart beat. He had just found out that medicare was finally going to pay for the procedure to fix it on February 20. He was upbeat and optimistic. My mom had talked to him at 4:00 that day and he was teasing with her and asking about my kids coming over that night. At 5:30 he was gone, phone beside him, papers in hand- fatal cardio myopathy. Funeral arrangements, flying family in and taking care of my parents consumed me. Thank goodness for Matt keeping up on the housework and keeping me together. Now this week, no more planning, parents are working and family is gone. I am left alone to grieve and try to go back to life as "normal". I'm not sure how to do that and I lack the desire to. Lists have been my friend. They keep me focused on the task at hand, at the top of every day- Get through today. So now I'm off to try and read my Bible and do dishes and try to catch up on some reading... and maybe come up with the next step to getting back on the tracks of my life and being more disciplined.

Success!

helens domestic goddess trophy
Originally uploaded by zen

There was no blogging yesterday not because I was failing in my journey, but because I was successful. I was so busy that I didn't have time to write. I was able to make my bed, clean up my room a little, do the dishes, do 2 loads of laundry, prep for AWANA, read a book for 45 min, put together valentines gift bags and go to dance and AWANA. So hooray for me! Today is another crazy day with many things to do but first I need to read my Bible. I semi rewared myself by doing my internet stuff first today, so I need to get going. As this week draws to an end I will add another step. Step 3- Pick 1 area to work on. In theory this step works like this. On Saturday I am going to deep clean my bedroom. I mean move the bed and vaccuum deep clean. I figure if I do this for a week, moving from room to room, then my "spring cleaning" will be done before spring. (Thank goodness for a small house.) Then I can just do a light cleaning once I finish all the rooms and I can remain clutter free. So here's to happy cleaning!

Day 2- Cold Turkey

Although cold turkey can make a great sandwich; it does not make a great answer to quitting something. I'd like to say that I achieved so much yesterday but that was not the case. While I did get the house cleaned up and started to tackle the clutter in the area that is my desk, I did become quite overwhelmed by the mess and turned to the computer to ignore it. So day 2 has begun. I have dance class today and that pretty much wipes out my morning. I still need to read my Bible today and study for youth group tonight. (Plus the dishes and laundry are calling again. Why can't they ever take a break?) I got to visit some old friends today and I feel better, a little more energized. So enough procrastinating on the computer... time to load the dishwasher and spend time with JESUS! Which is step 2 of my plan, pick up my Bible.

Day One- ish

So let me start this off by saying I am a procrastinator. I hate doing housework but I am a stay at home mom. I have a tendency to be random. My house and car are always a mess, I'm overweight and I don't spend nearly enough time with God or doing constructive things with my family. All of these things have led me to where I am now- in pursuit of discipline. I'd like to say that I have moments of discipline but I think it's done more out of the desire of not to be disciplined by others. So all of this has led to a chaotic life that I am becoming not okay with. I want to have a clean house because it makes my husband happy and that is important to me. I want to have a clean car because I don't like having to find a place for someone to sit in the event that they need a ride. I want to lose weight because I don't like how I look or feel. I don't want to be held back from doing things I love, like dancing, because I'm afraid of how much I'll juggle. I need to be closer to God because I can't do any of these things without Him. So all of these things have led me to this place of self-inflicted discipline and you get to come along.

Step 1 of the journey- Put down the computer. You are probably thinking right now, "Then why start a blog?" Well I'll tell you. I am horrible at journaling and I think this might help me to see where I am doing well and where I am falling short. So in the spirit of blogging I am hoping to be on track enough that I will have time to write every day- but know that if I miss I am way of track. The Internet is an addiction for me. I like to read the news, watch dance videos on YouTube, play games, update both my Facebook and Myspace, add pictures to my flickr account and check out what's interesting there. So as you can see, the Internet makes up most of the morning. A time when I should be reading my Bible, cleaning up the house and spending time with my daughter. Sadly though all this is shoved aside due to my addiction. So for the next week I am going to commit to not cracking open the laptop until these things are done. It's going to be hard and I might go through withdrawls but I know that through Christ I can achieve it.

Enough procrastinating. I'm going to take the first step and put the laptop down and get stuff done and HOPEFULLY I'll be writing tomorrow when it's all done.

James 4:17 Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins.